Hi everyone ,
Welcome to 365 Days of Poetry & Honesty! I hope you're well <3 I took myself to Tate Britain yesterday! I walked there and it was about an hour and a half, which in all honesty was quite silly because I didn't consider the fact that I’d also have to walk around the gallery once I got there. My feet were screaming at me but I managed it and saw some beautiful things in the process! Like Mat Collishaw’s ‘Fairy Round’ in The Garden of Unearthly Delights. Plus, I somehow managed to get into Paula Rego's exhibition without a ticket! I got lost trying to leave after walking the free collection route and then suddenly I was there, but I reckon I entered through the exit because I walked the exhibition from end to start then start to end. Her work was striking and powerful, and I feel really grateful because I got home and googled the exhibit and it was fully booked till mid-August lol! Also I’m in the process of deleting my instagram permanently. I’ve been going back & forth on the decision but I’m gonna stick with it because the thought of returning fills me with dread and being on there, it's like a panopticon. And even though it means walking away from the space I’d established as a poet, my sanity means more to me and I’m ready to let go of it. I’m also just not in a good place at the moment and I know it would make it worse, plus I feel like I’d be subjecting people to the torrential storm that's my mind at the moment, and even then I have no words to explain myself, where I'm going what I’m doing and that lack of control scares me and letting people in when I feel this way scares me even more.
Furthermore, I’d like to say sorry for my silence if you've messaged/emailed me, I feel weird and anxious and like I have to protect myself because I feel like the past couple of months and even thinking about being in the hospital, back at my parents, in my flat, I don't know I don't really feel like I matter and I'm afraid being around people will only reflect that and it's an odd thought, quite cyclical and isolating, but I’m just really tired of everything and tired of the fact that my mind won't ease up and let things go. I feel like a broken record. That being said, it feels good to say that I’m still not smoking. It's been strange but it's important interrogating why it felt like such a necessity and truth is I feel uncomfortable in my skin, even as I’m pulling the newsletter together I want to walk outside of myself and just not be here, but here I am. And it's about letting myself know that I’m enough and that I don't have to run from my emotions, and consequently, myself.
The songs I want to share with you this week are by Isaiah Rashad. He's one of my favourite rappers and ‘Cilvia Demo’ is one of my favourite albums. It makes me feel so nostalgic and it's unlike anything and out of this world!
Monday
It's interesting how sometimes the things you try to forget make themselves known in your reality.
Tuesday
These poems are by Essex Hemphill. He was a Black Gay American Poet and the legacy of his work, his honesty, I’m in awe. This a link that provides context for this first poem.
Wednesday
Thursday
By Gregory Orr
Friday
TRIGGER WARNING: alludes to self-harm
Saturday
This poem is ‘A Woman Speaks’ by Audre Lorde
Sunday
With Love,
Oyinda
p.s. here's another song by Shabaka Hutchings & Kojey Radical